Holey Moley

I’ve always loved putt putt golf. My mother would drive my friends and I to West Ryde to the only range in existence (as far as I knew.) When I grew older I drove myself. Fast forward several years and I’m driving past on the way to work and was saddened to learn they were going to knock it down and replace it with high rise apartments. Of course Ash and I went for one last round and that was that. Until now…

No ifs just putts – Holey Moley is a neon dream.

In October Holey Moley were offering a bottomless brunch special. I was intrigued but last year was a bottomless brunch frenzy for me and every Saturday (the preferred bottomless day) in October was booked out. I signed up for their mailing list in the hope they might bring it back. In the meantime they sent me a special offer, 18 holes for the price of 9 so Kelly and I popped on a train to Kings Cross. Needless to say we had a lot of fun and I vowed I would return.

A welcome espresso on arrival? Don’t mind if I do!

It’s now 2020 and on our last day of freedom Joseph and I happened to walk past Holey Moley and saw a bottomless brunch sign out the front! It was obviously a sign 😜. Another week passes and Liza is free, bored and for once cashed up. Where are we going for bottomless this weekend, she demanded. I hadn’t been to a BB in 2020 as yet and just the week before I was shown, quite literally a sign. So of course I suggested we play a few rounds, drink a few drinks and have some fun at Holey Moley.

You can’t book so Liza and I arranged to meet out the front at 12pm. I jumped on a train and was in Kings Cross in no time. The deal is pretty simple for the tiny fee of $ 50.00 you get 18 holes of mini golf, an espresso martini on arrival, your choice of meaty or vegan goodness in the form of a burger, bites and unlimited waffle fries. The drinks are standard house wines, cider, Furphy and Hahn super dry beer with non alcoholic and soft drinks options also included. What a bargain!

Holey Cheezus, spicy chicken wings, waffle fries and welcome martini.

Of course we chose the beef option with fresh crispy lettuce, cheese, bacon, a thick slab of beef and a slice of tomato that was easily removable, all served on a gorgeous pink signature bun. I’ve got to say I don’t usually like my meat this thick but it was a perfect way to line our tummies for the beverages ahead. Three crispy chicken wings and a side of waffle fries came with it and though these were also bottomless we never did go back for seconds. (although we probably should have) When I asked out fabulous bartender David for some tomato sauce he quickly bought over syringes full of the condiment.

Of course it’s not a day out at the golf course without your trusty visor. These are available at the pro shop on entry and really made us feel like the semi professional golf pros we would later pretend to be. As we ate and sipped our delicious Espresso Partinis I remarked how happy I was that there were no coffee beans on the top of it for me to accidentally choke on (apparently they’d run out) like I almost had at Fratelli Fresh. It would be great if instead of coffee beans they had a HM monogram sprinkled in powdered chocolate on the top of all that delicious vanilla infused froth and of course we named it the Cappuccini [TM]

All the drinks! Bubbles, sparkling water with lime wedges and OJ to ease us into things.

Lisa was our waitress and she made sure we were incredibly looked after. She made our original welcome martini, comped our visors, bought out our food and made sure we got our next round of drinks (bubbles darling!) Lisa also bought a small side of orange juice so we could ease out way into our midday BB. She also bought sparkling water and wedges of lime for hydration. (probably should have had a bit more of this as the day progressed, oh well). We had all the beverages to kick start us on our way. I thought it would be a good idea if we completed our two hour bottomless first and then continued on to the golf, but after our martini and one glass of bubbles that idea went out the window. We were too impatient to begin the fun.

I love a good theme, I love neon and as someone in the print trade I also love good design and printed material. The golf theme is spread throughout the hole (see what I did there?) venue, some subtle, some not so subtle. The menus are debossed with dimples made to look like a golf ball. When I mentioned this to Liza we both looked down at the table at which we sat. It was round and also debossed with dimples resembling a silver metal golf ball, seriously I love this place.

When we arrived at the pro shop we were given a token each to collect our balls. These are basdically gum ball machines and when you turn the handle spit out the coloured ball of you choice. Next it was time to choose a club. Based on height as per usual I went with the smaller one and Liza went for the next size up. Another great thing Holey Moley offers is free locker storage which is fabulous and frees up your hands for more important things like bubbles, balls, clubs and the ever important camera phone. The key was on a lanyard and Liza wore it around her neck.

First hole

If you’ve never experienced the joy of putt putt – what are you waiting for? I don’t play golf in real life but I do love the idea behind putt putt. Each game is 9 holes and the aim of the game is to score the lowest number of points. Five strokes is the maximum you can play before moving on to the next hole which keeps the game moving (unless there are annoying people in front of you taking a million selfies!). The course uses a combination of tunnels, tubes and ramps with obstacles both static and moving to make it interesting. Of course throw in some bottomless booze and things get even funner.

Liza was super proud when she scored this hole in 1 and I was pretty impressed myself!

Liza had never played putt putt before so we drank and laughed and tried to work out how to get the ball around all the obstacles with the least amount of strokes. Liza actually managed to get a hole in one on this Evel Knievel inspired trick shot, jumping the ball over 6 buses only to land in the hole in just one stroke. Pure luck or genius? You be the judge! Our final hole was the Fresh Putts of Bel Air and while this was no Fresh Prince it was certainly inspired by him. I don’t know how we did it but we both got a hole in one. There was a lot of jumping up and down with excitement and Liza decided we needed another Espresso Martini to celebrate.

We both got a hole in one in the throne – which was the final hole

We headed to the Pro shop as you always lose the ball down the 9th hole and we had 9 more holes left. I’d always wondered how one became a Pro and apparently at Holey Moley it’s by donning the correct shirt according to Nathan who was working behind the counter. As we received the tokens for our next game we spotted some gorgeous argyle knee high socks. Would this make us look like pros? We decided it would and with a price tag of $10.00 it was definitely on. I mean who doesn’t need pink knee high socks?

Socks and the city – we both had to don the argyle for the next round.

Another espresso martini was not on the bottomless but the first one had been so delicious we decided to say what the hell! While David made our martinis we pulled on our socks. I’ve known Liza forever. We worked together at one of my first jobs and have remained close friends ever since. Something I didn’t know about her was that she had taken ballet as a child and she proceeded to show me all of the positions to show of her Melissa shoes and her new socks. Bellissima!

The Vault

Next up was round 2 which started at a vault. It was bit like Money Heist except there was not eight of us, we’d taken no hostages and this was not the Royal Mint of Spain. Other than that it was exactly like the show. We putted our way through the vault, around piles of cash and gold bullion. If you didn’t putt all the way through the next glass room (like Liza managed to do) you ended up stuck in a glass box trying to putt your way through piles of dollar bills (like me) The big red button on the side turns it into a wind machine whipping the bills all around your head and generally causing you to lose your focus..

Our second round of golf ended as had our bottomless. We decided to have one more beverage for the road and of course we couldn’t resist the Sugar Caddy or as David called it diabetes in a cup. The club house favourite with a blend of Smirnoff Vodka, lychee liqueur, cranberry and lime juice shaken with blueberry puree and served with the almighty Holey Moley candy kebab! I do find it hard to go past anything that includes whizz fizz which we then stirred into the drink. Before you ask, yes it was incredibly sweet. #noregrets

I’ve got a sweet tooth

For liquorice drops and jelly roll

Hey, sugar daddy

Hansel needs some sugar in his bowl

Hedwig and the Angry Inch
The Sugar Caddy or as David called it – Diabetes in a cup!

As we were about to head out the door buzzing on the highest sugar high only whizz fizz can give you the pro at the front desk asked where we were going and offered us the 3rd and final round of golf on the house so we could get the full experience of all 27 holes. We grabbed another bubbles and headed to the next course.

A word of warning I would advise that you get to Holey Moley as early as possible. They open at 11am and they get extremely busy. Earlier it had been quite easy to move from hole to hole at a leisurely pace. Taking the odd pic here and there and sipping our drinks. By the time we got to round 3 around 4 ish the place was packed with young and old. Gaggles of girls taking a million selfies and in general holding up everyone behind them – which included us.

A nod to the the 80’s – UV lights and pacmac greens.

I headed to the bar to buy us another bubbles as we waiting for the selfie crew to disperse. I was met by Davids RSA face. No more bubbles for you ladies. ~sighs It was probably for the best. Liza had to get home to her kid and I had to get to the opening night of Every Brilliant Thing at Belvoir St Theatre.

As we trudged down the stairs towards a waiting cab we discussed how friendly the staff had been, how great the service, drinks and food were and how we would definitely be returning sometime in the near future to Holey Moley with our without the bottomless – but everything’s better bottomless, right?

I never said she was a golf digger!

Now I ain’t sayin’ she a golf digger

(When I’m in need)

But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke, broke

(She give me money)

Now I ain’t sayin’ she a golf digger

(When I’m in need)

But she ain’t messin’ wit no broke, broke

(I gotta leave)

📍 where – 82-94 Darlinghurst Rd Potts Point. Check their website for other locations

🌏 www – https://www.holeymoley.com.au

🍸☕️🍷🥂🍺bottomless – house wines, cider, furphy and Hahn super dry with one welcome espresso martini on arrival. Soft drinks and juice.

💵 how much – $50 which includes 18 holes of mini golf ⛳️

🍔🍟🍗 food – burgers, bites and unlimited waffle fries

⌚️ how long – 2 hours

🗓 when – Friday, Saturday and Sunday from 11am – 4pm. Limited time only currently Jan 3rd – Feb 16th

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